Johnny English

Rating: **
Cast: Rowan Atkinson, John Malkovich
Direction: Peter Howitt
Over the decades, spoofs on the James Bond movies have been dime a dozen. Right from Casino Royale (1967) to Spy Hard (1996) and the Austin Powers series, Ian Fleming''s slick secret agent has been lampooned with varying degrees of success. Add to the roster Johnny English, inspired by the Bond-mocking ads for Britain''s Barclaycard which were considered quite amusing.
The film directed by Howitt (who gave us the far more satisfying Sliding Doors), however, is something of an embarrassment, packed with toilet humour, childish gags and puerile pranks.By contrast, those Carry On take-offs on everything from the medical profession to Cleopatra''s peccadilloes were far more spontaneous and witty.
The eponymous hero (?) in this case is a loser who climbs up sewerage pipes and is even covered in excreta in a desperate attempt to extract titters from the audience. After inadvertently engineering the death of every espionage agent in the U.K., Johnny (Atkinson) is assigned to guard the Crown Jewels, no less. Abetted by a nutzoid sidekick (Ben Miller) and a mystery lady (Natalie Imbruglia), Johnny messes up his new job, what with a Frenchman (Malkovich!) stealing the priceless jewels as easily as snatching candy from a kid.
The screenplay''s strictly baloney, and to think it''s the handiwork of the co-writers of Die Another Day. A song sung by Robbie Williams accompanies the Bond-like credits but even that turns out to be a bit of a dampner.
Atkinson tends to grate on the nerves, while the usually reliable Malkovich is disappointingly lustreless. Pop diva Imbruglia looks great riding a mobike and that''s about it. In sum, this Johnny''s antics leave the viewer neither shaken nor stirred.